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Parenting

The Conversation: sex and deen!

By February 16, 2018 No Comments

So my 10 years old daughter read my book “Etiquette of marriage,by sheikh al-Albaani”! I bought it some 12 or 13 years ago when I started thinking marriage. Goes without saying,it does have some inappropriate age passages for a 10-year! She came to the kitchen to ask me,“mummy is this book for adults?”,I answered yes. Then I asked her how what she thought of it. She said it has lots of rubbish(am sure it was the intimate sections). Well,I do feel kinda of uncomfortable,I told her she’ll tell me about it. What do you do when your young kid reads deeni books that has adult related sections?
By the way,its a wonderful book, mainly on the nikka’ itself!

Indeed,it was an interesting discovery,and yes education for her. Sex education is a topic I am not exactly comfortable with. Though I started my kids early on by buying them a book for children: “how I grow” which starts from conception till old age. I used to read it to them, while I was pregnant with my third child. That helped today thankfully,as she remembered some meanings there. Here is our conversation:

Me: so tell me about what you read from the book?
My Girl: hmmm,mummy it is rubbish ooo
Me: I don’t mind,I’ll like to hear
MG: okay,some people asked the person who wrote the book,his name is sheikh Al albaani some questions. They asked, “can a man and his wife take a bath together?”. He replied yes,the prophet and Aisha used to take their bath together,and Aishah would say,“leave some water for me”!
Me: hmmm mm,(in my head,I am like okay,here we go someone HELP!) so what did you read again(said confidently,non of my true feelings showing)?
MG: Mummy this one is very bad,it is so rubbish!
Me: never mind,it is me and you can tell me(like I mean it,God help me here ‪#‎gulping‬).
MG: okay (talking behind her hands and whispering). They asked if a man may have sex with his wife while she is menstruation.(Me further gulping real hard) He replied, no this is haram,he must wait till she is clean.
(She continues more quietly,I had to strain to hear her). When a man has sex with his wife,he should clean his private part before sleeping and his wife too.
Me:(now I am super uncomfortable,but pretending to be a super duper
cool mum ‪#‎eyesrolling‬@myself)
So I asked,what is sex,do you know?
MG: oh yes nah,its when a man and a woman have a special cuddle in bed.
Me: yeah,that’s correct(me very relieved,easy simple and innocent! she got the definition most likely from the book I read to them years ago!)
Me: you know its only married people that can have the special cuddle right?
MG: oh yes nah.
MG: I read good things there too mummy
Me: (‪#‎furthereyesrolling‬ from me!) Oh,so tell me more
MG: the prophet said men and women should not adorn gold,and he told his wife Hafsah,and his daughter Faatimah to remove their gold!
Me: hmmm that’s true
MG: mummy I have a question
Me: go on,ask.
MG: how can the prophet take a bath with a woman(she was really looking affronted and puzzled)?
Me: he is a man like everybody. He married,had kids,had friends,played with his grandson…he is a man,human
MG(looking very surprised,or maybe shocked)but he is a prophet of Allah,a prophet mummy!
Me: yes he is,but he said himself “I am just a man like you,I marry,I sleep and wake,eat and fast,…”. He is only a man,but a very special man,and there is nothing wrong with taking a bath with ones wife.
That was it! I was so glad it turned out well,and easy. She had not finished reading,but she said she’ll like to read till end(well,what do you think,should she or not?). The rest of the book has no intimate section,all that was at the beginning.
What I learnt here is,never shut the kids up,listen to them,its better they hear it from you than go out when it may all be wrong!
I should remember to tell her such topics don’t make open air discussions,so she should keep it to herself,abi?
Have you had such experience with your underage kid? What did you do? Have you spoken about sex with your kid,how did you do it? Please share your experience.

SMD

SMD

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